Unwanted Heat

Kenzie

“I’ll come by around four to pick you up for the dinner tonight. Be sure you are ready on time. The last thing I need is to show up late again to a dinner. Wear the blue dress I picked out for you, hair up, minimal make up and no jewelry other than your ring. Understood?”

“Yes, I’ll be ready by four.”

“Good.”

With that the door closes, no good-bye, no kiss, nothing, just the firm click of the door latching. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was looking forward to tonight, not that I’m looking forward to the tasteless dinner and boring conversations. It’s been so long since I’ve been out of the house besides running errands or going to the grocery store. I miss meaningful adult conversations; I can’t remember the last time I talked to someone about something other than the upkeep of the house or the weather.

My days are spent by myself, my nights typically pretty much the same. My life has become very lonely in the last year which is why something as silly as a business dinner will be the highlight of my entire month. I had hoped to get my hair cut and colored before the dinner tonight, but unfortunately he decided we shouldn’t spend the money on my hair and that it was fine the way it was. I know it’s not fine… I have split ends because my hair hasn’t been trimmed in over a year. The highlights I once loved have nearly faded away leaving an odd coloring to my hair. I know better than to argue, so I just nod and don’t bring it up again. I don’t have much money of my own and even if I did, I wouldn’t dare go against what he says and get my hair cut.

After doing my daily chores, I’m left with only an hour or so to get ready for dinner tonight. Although I’m tight on time, I decide to soak a few extra minutes in the bathtub before getting ready for dinner. My days are filled with keeping up with the house, running errands and yard work, which rarely gives me time to relax. Usually it’s all I can do to clean up from dinner after he eats before crashing into bed at night. I wish I had more time to enjoy the tub, but the few minutes I have right now must be enough. The alarm on my phone dings, letting me know I have less than half an hour before he comes home from work to pick me up.

I quickly get out of tub, dry off and head into our large walk-in closet where the blue dress I was told to wear is waiting for me. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be wearing this dress. Don’t get me wrong-it’s a beautiful dress-it’s just not my style. In my opinion, the front is cut too deep which ends up catching everyone’s attention and naturally their eyes stay focused on my chest when they talk to me. The dress has a pretty high slit on the side as well, going nearly up to the top of my thigh which again seems to attract people’s attention. Despite all of this, I know why he chose this dress: it’s because of the back that is high, and leaves none of my skin showing so no one can see the bruises or the scars that are left there.

I gasp when I finally step out of the closet again; I somehow spent more than ten minutes getting changed, which means I have fifteen minutes tops to get ready because I’m expected to be ready even if he gets home a few minutes early. I quickly gather my hair into a quick up-do before curling a few pieces that fall near my face. Next is my make up, I chuckle to myself remembering he said minimal make up since it’s going to take a couple coats of foundation to hide the still-yellow bruise on my cheek. I would rather use more make up than risk someone asking about the bruise in front him. The consequence of letting someone see it would be far worse than him thinking I used too much make-up. I’m slipping on my heels when he walks into the bedroom; I don’t know how he does it but he can sneak into the house without me ever hearing him.

“Are you ready yet?” he asks.

“I just need to grab my purse.”

“I said no jewelry, didn’t I?”

“Yes, I don’t-”

Slap

I feel the sting before I have time to prepare myself and the force of it has me falling against the bed. As he storms out of the room I quickly glance over my body trying to find the offending piece of jewelry. My engagement ring is still on and I’m not wearing a watch or necklace. My hands run over my ears and I immediately cringe-I forgot to take out my diamond earring studs I normally wear. I quickly remove them and toss them into my jewelry box before rushing out into the living room where he is waiting for me.

“If we’re late because you can’t follow directions, you will be punished.”

He walks out the door without waiting for my response. Why am I not surprised. I quickly lock up the house and go to the car where he is already waiting for me impatiently. The ride to the restaurant is quiet and awkward, and I know better than to say anything to him when he is a mood like this. It’s better for me to let him make the first move than for me to approach him before he has cooled down. If he hits me in the car on the way to dinner, I risk a bruise showing up before the night is over, ruining the perfect image he needs to maintain with his business associates.

“I don’t think I told you how beautiful you look tonight,” he takes my hand in his and we walk into the restaurant looking like the perfect couple he wants others to believe we are. No one could ever know that underneath this strong exterior is a man who frequently loses control at home and who can’t control his temper.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“Make me proud tonight, baby,” he kisses me on the cheek, squeezing my hand tightly although I’m not sure if it’s meant to comfort or warn me. I take all his gestures as warnings. I learned a long time ago that with him everything is a warning… a promise of what is to come if things don’t go his way.

The night is just like all the other business dinners I’ve attended. My role is simple: stand, smile and make small chat when someone speaks to me. I am not to share any opinion I have about business, politics or religion since these are often hot button topics. Instead, I have been provided with a list of topics that are considered safe, meaning that I can discuss them with someone but only if they bring up these topics first. I am never to approach anyone, never to start up a conversation with someone unless they have approached me first.

“You look beautiful tonight, Kenzie,” Ms. Smith says I sit down next to her.

“Thank you, you look stunning in that dress,” I complement her.

“I think I recognize yours… didn’t one of the celebrities wear it to an awards banquet a couple months ago?”

“Yes, it’s the very same one.”

“You are such a lucky woman, Kenzie! To have a wonderful man who adores you and buys you such expensive clothing!”

“I am very lucky,” and playing the perfect fiancee, I lean over and kiss him on the cheek. He looks at me with approval, as if that was the response I was supposed to give

Dinner is boring as they typically are: the men talk about business while the women talk about the nonsense of some reality show that they are all watching. We don’t have a television in our house so I can’t contribute to the conversation. Even though this is boring as hell, I would rather much be here than at home.

“I’m going to get a drink, would you like something, dear?” he asks.This text is property of Nô/velD/rama.Org.

“No, I’m fine, thank you,” I’m still slowly sipping my one glass of wine-the only glass I’m permitted to have when we are out. He doesn’t like to take the chance that I drink too much, forget the rules and embarrass him.

“So tell me, Kenzie, how is your garden doing this year?” Mr. Ryan asks, surprising me that he remembers that I even have a garden since we’ve only spoken about it once or twice. Thankfully though, gardening is one of the topics that have been deemed safe so I can talk freely about it. “We had some issues with rabbits trying to eat my pepper plants, but I used a homemade spray that has seemed to work well at keeping them away. The plants are slowly starting to come back so I’m hopeful that I’ll still be able to get a few vegetables off it this year.”

“That’s wonderful! We had an issue with deer last year and they completely ruined my tomato plants-”

“Oh no!”

“Wasn’t much we could do to save them but we tried this expensive spray that my wife found in the garden store and after the second bottle they finally left the plant alone. But by then it was too late; I think we only had two or three tomatoes on that plant the entire year.”

“I’m sorry, next time try an egg wash. It helped keep the deer away from our apple trees.”

“An egg wash?”

“Yes, I have a gardening book at home that recommended it. I was doubtful but it worked like a charm. Just reapply the mixture every few days and the deer will stop coming around because they don’t like the smell.”

“That’s a wonderful idea! I will have to tell my wife about it when I get home tonight.”

“She’s not here with you?”

“No, our youngest developed a fever this morning and we didn’t want to leave him with a sitter.”

“Poor thing, I hope he feels better.”

“Thank you.”

I sense him behind me before I even feel him. I can’t read his expression when he sits down next to me. I recall every word that I just spoke and can’t come up with anything that would anger him. Gardening is a safe topic and Mr. Ryan and I have spoken about our gardens before. I find myself hoping that he isn’t angry at me but that something happened when he was getting a drink to change his mood. No matter what the reason though, I know he will take his anger out on me tonight when we get home. He always does, even if it has nothing to do with me. His job is stressful, something I can never understand he always tells me.

“Gentlemen, if you will excuse us, we need to be going,” he pulls my chair out like the perfect gentleman.

We say our goodbyes and head out of the restaurant in silence. The ticket is given to the valet who quickly brings up our car. The ride home is as quiet as the ride there was. His knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly, his lips are pressed into a firm line conveying his anger and displeasure with me.

“I thought the chicken was good.”

“Shut up.”