Sold to my crush

Lily’s POV

“I’m so sorry Sir.” I gasped and held his hands.

“It’s alright.” He said and chuckled awkwardly but his eyes were saying another story. Nothing was alright. “I cried so much that day. It felt like a huge part of me had seized to exist as I watched her drift away slowly into the after life. I cried and screamed begging whoever could hear me to take me instead because I didn’t want to know a life without her.”

“Those brown eyes that always gave meaning to live itself whenever i looked at them stared at me lifeless, void of meaning, just empty. She had a smile on her face as she passed and for a moment, at the back of my mind, I wanted to hate her. I wanted to hate her because she looked so peaceful without me, like she was content to be away from me.”

“I was beyond devastated. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with myself or even our daughter. It was really hard for me to watch my ur daughter grow without her mother. I would have wanted her to know how kind and beautiful her mother was.”

“I slowly made peace with her death as I watched our daughter grow as beautiful as Gabriella. Her name was Daisy. She was like the exact photocopy of Gabriella except with brown hair. She liked the same things as her mother, she did everything the way her mother did. It was somewhat scary.” He said with a smile on his face.

“You must love her so much. So where is she now?”. I asked.

“Gone.” The glow in his eyes were gone again and his smile flattered.

“Oh my God!!”. I gasped with tears hanging in my eyes. “I’m so sorry”. I cried out as I held his hands tightly with tears streaming down my eyes. This was too sad. How could only one person bear this much hurt. I felt so sorry for him.

“It’s alright. It’s been a while now, but if she was still here she would have been around your age.” He said with a sad smile

“Do you mind sharing how she died?”. I asked cautiously.

He pulled his hands away and stiffened at my question. His eyes kept boring into my soul as if he was searching for the answer to the question. “I don’t think I should talk about it.” He responded after a while.

He looked very tense as though he was deliberately hiding how she died from me, but of what consequences would that be to me. “Why shouldn’t you?”. I asked curiously.

“I… I mean I don’t want to talk about it. That was what I meant to say.” He adjusted himself in his seat. Everything became more suspicious but I decided to drop it. I understood when someone didn’t want to talk about somethings, i had been there so I respected his decision.

“It’s alright. I understand that I can never understand the pain you had to go through all these years and my sympathy or empathy would not change anything or even how you feel but for what it’s worth, I do hope you find peace”.

“Thank you”. He whispered out. I responded with a small nod and a small smile but he shook his head rapidly. “No, I mean it, thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about this and listening. God knows I have had this in for too long and I needed to get it all out, so thank you”.

“It’s alright”. I smiled. I was happy that at least I was this useful to someone that needed it. I wish everyone had someone that could share their grief with.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

It’s very difficult when you have it all in. It changes a person. I should be in a bette position to say that because I should do. The grief I had buried deep inside me change me. I’m no longer the girl I used to be.

I still see her, though at the back of my mind. She begs at times to be set free and I want her to be set free but it’s no longer within my power. I have made peace with myself that she’s never coming back.

“Are you alright?”. The bubbly waitress came into view.

“Yes”. I wiped my eyes quickly. “Pregnancy hormones”. I chuckled awkwardly.

“Oh, I see.” She cooed. “Well I have you meal here. Please enjoy”, She served our plates and skipped away.

Mr. Mark and I ate in silence only stealing glances at each other at intervals. I really enjoyed my meal and I would give it a solid 8. 5 out of 10. It was that good.

“Are you ready to leave?”. Mr. Mark asked when the waitress had returned to clear the table.

Mr. Mark had offered to take care of the bill but I insisted on paying, besides I suggested we come here for breakfast and maybe I pitied the old man. I guess i was no different . I was doing exactly what I hated. Pity. I was pathetic but I couldn’t help it.

“Yes I am”. I responded with a smile and we walked out of the restaurant.

“So where are we going next?”. Mr. Mark as he ignited the engine.

I was silent for a while thinking of where I wanted to go now until it felt like a light bulb had been switched on in my head. “Oh oh, I know”. I bounced as I raised my hands like a toddler in a classroom.

“Where do you want to go?”. Mr. Mark asked chuckling.

“I want to register for a driving class so I could start as soon as possible, tomorrow even.” I explained.

“Alright then. There’s a place just around the corner.” Mr. Mark said as he speed up.

The drive was quiet and calm or maybe that was what I thought because I was so nervous. I didn’t even know why. I was about to be mother someone and I was still getting nervous over little things.

I needed to be strong so I would be able to speak to my child’s teachers or speak to the doctor on his/her behalf.

I took a deep breathe and clamped my hands. I could do this, I wasn’t alone and it’s not like I’m actually going to start today so I was good.

After a while of driving, Mr. Mark drove into a parking lot. The place was quiet and almost empty. I was probably overthinking.

“We’re here”. Mr. Mark said as he got down and helped me out.

We walked side by side into the building and made our way to the receptionist who sat behind a computer. “Hello, Good morning. We would…”

I held Mr. Mark’s hand and squeezes them lightly and he got the message. I wanted to do this myself.

“Hi, good morning”. I summoned my most chirpy voice.

“Hi, what can I do for you today?”. The lady responded in a professional tone.

“I would like to pay for a driving class that I would start as soon as possible, probably tomorrow.” I said with a tight smile.

“Welcome, you’re in the right place because we have that package here. Take a look the list and you can make the payment to that account”. She said as she passed a piece of paper to me.

I scanned it and settled for the one that was more appealing to me and made the payment.

“Thank you. See you tomorrow.” She waved us goodbye as soon as we were done with the paperwork.

“Thank you.” I said with a smile as we walked out of the place.

Mr. Mark didn’t say a word but I knew he understood me.

“Where are we headed now?”. Mr. Mark asked as he got behind the wheel.

“Home. We’re headed home”. I sighed in content. I had missed home, I needed to go now.