Chapter 168
Claire
Another night, another motel. This one seems less of a dump than the last one, but still a dirty place I’d rather not sleep in. Too bad I don’t really have a choice.
“You want to wait here or come in?” Lucca asks, putting the car in park.
“I’ll come in,” I say, already opening the door. I’d rather not be alone, no matter how short of a timeframe.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.
He nods his head, and we walk into the motel office where a bell chimes above us in greeting. A moment later, a woman walks out of a door behind the small counter. There is a permanent frown on her face that makes it seem like she’s annoyed by the prospect of customers.
That look evaporates into thin air when she sees Lucca approaching. She straightens up, puts a smile on her face, and I’m pretty sure she pushes her chest out a little. I stare at her chest, wondering if she has nicer boobs than me.
“Hey ya’ll,” she greets with a southern drawl, and I wonder how far we have actually driven. I don’t even know what state we’re in right now.
“Hey, babe.” Lucca grins, showing off his perfect smile. I cringe at the word babe. Why is he calling her a pet name? Does he know her?
I inspect her. She is pretty, with long auburn hair and big brown eyes. She seems to be closer to Lucca’s age, maybe a bit younger. Her shirt is tight, showing off her petite frame and large breasts.
“What can I do for you, handsome?” The receptionist giggles, and I suppress a gag. I already dislike her, and I don’t even know her.
Lucca leans against the counter. “Just looking to crash for a night. You wouldn’t have a room at the end available?”
“I might.” The girl smiles. “One room? For you and…” she trails off, her gaze swinging over to where I’m standing.
“My sister,” Lucca explains. “She’s underage, so I’ll share a room with her. Two beds if you have any available. I’m paying cash,” he adds, placing two twenty-dollar bills on the counter.
“No problem.” She types something into the computer that looks like it’s thirty years old, at the very least. If I didn’t see the screen light up myself, I’d be sure it wouldn’t even be running anymore.
“I do have the room at the very end free… and the one right next to it as well. So, if you want to spend some time away from the kid, you could come next door and maybe hang out with me later?”
I don’t know what bothers me more, her calling me the kid, her trying to get Lucca away from me, or the way Lucca smiles at her like he is actually considering it.
My stomach churns, and my chest constricts. A nasty feeling spreads through my body. A feeling that takes me a moment to recognize…
Jealousy.
I’m jealous. And surprised that it only now dawned on me… I have a crush on Lucca. It makes sense, the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach, the heat in my core pulsing with its own heartbeat every time he touches me.
“Here is your key. I’m Paula, by the way.” Paula grins, sliding the plastic card over to Lucca.
“Thank you, Paula.” Lucca smiles back but doesn’t offer his name. “Come on, Sis. Time to hit the hay.” He turns to me, throwing an arm around my shoulder.
Instantly, I relax. We walk out of the lobby, and Lucca releases me, putting distance between us. We climb back into the car and drive to the end of the building. Getting out of the car, we grab all the bags with the clothes we bought today and head to the room.
“I don’t want you to leave,” I blurt out as soon as we are inside.
“What are you talking about? I’m not leaving.”
Make yourself clearer, Claire.
“I mean, don’t go to the room next door with Paula.” I try really hard not to say her name with venom, but I fail miserably. The idea of Lucca being with another woman is unsettling, and even though I know I shouldn’t feel any way about it, I can’t help myself.
“I’m not.” Lucca chuckles, a sound I haven’t heard in a very long time. It warms my body all over like a sip of hot chocolate on the coldest winter day. “I won’t leave this room. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. Why don’t you take a shower? I have to make some phone calls.”
“Oh, okay…” I nod, feeling a little silly for thinking he was going to leave me. I rummage through the bags for a pair of pajamas and scurry into the small attached bathroom.
Using the hotel provided bar of soap, I wash my body head to toe before rinsing off with hot water. My hair feels dry, and the knots are going to be a pain to get out without conditioner, but at least I’m clean.
Turning off the water, I reach for the thin towel on the rack and dry off.
I stand in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection, wondering what Lucca sees when he looks at me. I’m a little scrawny, my boobs are just now taking shape, my belly is flat, and my hips barely have any curves to them.
I look like a teenager, but I haven’t felt like a kid in a long time. I’ve seen too much evil, experienced a kind of hardship that most people will never know. I lost my childlike innocence the day my mother left, and I haven’t seen the world through wondrous eyes in years.
I might live in the body of a teenage girl, but my mind is mature, and I feel like an adult in every way. If only I could make Lucca see it too.
With newfound determination, I quickly pull on my clothes and exit the bathroom. As soon as I open the door, I find Lucca eager to switch, squeezing past me to get into the bathroom. While he is showering, I take a seat on his bed and wait. I try not to think about him being naked in the bathroom.
I do wonder what he looks like… no!
I shake away that indecent thought and count the stripes on the carpet instead.
I’m still counting when the door opens, and a cloud of steam billows into the room. Lucca appears shirtless, droplets of water cling to his tan skin, and I have to tear my eyes from his bare chest before my cheeks burst into flames.
I wonder if he finds me attractive. If he thinks I’m as pretty as that Paula girl.
“Do you think I’m pretty?” I blurt out the question before I can stop myself.
“You’re beautiful, Claire. Why would you even ask that?” Lucca’s voice is very convincing, and for a moment, I consider not responding, but I can’t help myself. If I want him to see me like he sees her, then I need to be different.
“I just… I don’t feel pretty at all. I don’t look like that girl either.”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It’s not just about looks, but what’s inside. You can look like a supermodel on the outside and still be a really shitty person. Looks aren’t everything, Butterfly.”
I can’t lie, that makes me feel better, but it doesn’t convince me he sees me like he saw her.
“Are you not tired?” Lucca changes the subject, coming to sit on the bed beside me.
“I am. I’m not sleeping yet because I was wondering if I could sleep in your bed with you again?” I don’t dare look at him. I simply keep my gaze trained on my fingers in my lap. I feel like a child asking to sleep in bed next to him, but I’m not ready to deal with the trauma I’ve endured. “I’m just scared of sleeping by myself. The bed feels too big, and the different hotels every night…” I trail off.
“You don’t have to explain,” Lucca says. “Come on, get under the blanket.”
With a smile on my face, I eagerly crawl into Lucca’s bed and under the thin comforter. He climbs into the bed beside me but doesn’t crawl beneath the covers, leaving the thin blanket separating our bodies. I’m a little disappointed but not surprised.
“Don’t you get cold without covering up?” I ask once he turns off the light.
“Nah, I sleep better like this. Plus, this way, I don’t have to worry about getting caught up in the sheets if I need to make a quick move.”
I don’t want to think about what he means by that.
Lucca is so sweet and caring with me, like another person altogether. It seems I keep forgetting what kind of person he is and the damage he can cause. Seconds tick by, the darkness blankets over me. I’m tired, but sleep isn’t coming easily. My mind won’t shut off, and I’m thinking of what will happen tomorrow and how much longer we will have to do this.
“Is it going to be like this forever? Staying in hotels and hiding?” If that’s the case, then I’m not sure I can do this. I’m a mess already, and I just want to fall asleep and never wake up sometimes.
“No. Soon we will slow down, and things will go back to normal. I have to make certain that you’re safe first.”
A wave of guilt washes over me and clings to me like a second skin. Guilt about feeling safe with Lucca, guilt about liking him even though I know he is a killer. He killed my father, and still, I crawl into his bed, accepting his protection and comfort.
Maybe I’m just as evil as he is?