Rinkmates: A steamy Hockey Romance (The Mates series Book 1)

I stare at Riley and my heart jumps in my throat.

The words hang in the air between us.

I have a kid.

I’m a mom.

Saying it out loud makes it suddenly feel so real.

I search Riley’s whiskey-colored eyes, trying to read his reaction. Waiting for his expression to change, for him to look at me differently. I’m not just some young twenty-something anymore. I’m a mom. I was a teen mom.

What’s that look on his face? Shock? Disgust? Is he judging me or resenting me for having another man’s kid?

My stomach twists into knots as I brace myself.

But as I gaze into Riley’s eyes, I see none of that.

Just a flicker of surprise, quickly replaced by something that looks a lot like understanding. Or at least that’s what I want to see in there. He sighs gently and rests his forehead against mine, the gesture so tender it makes me shiver. I’ve never seen this vulnerable side of him before.

“Lia,” he murmurs, his breath warm on my skin before he presses a kiss on my forehead. “I told you before, you can’t say anything that would make me love you less.”

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I shake my head in disbelief. There it is. He said it again, even though he knows. “But my life is so messed up, Ri. It’s all so complicated…” My voice breaks. I can’t turn him into a father from one second to the other.

He pulls back slightly to look at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I don’t care about that. I care about you and how you feel. If something is upsetting you, I want to know why. I want to help.”

I hesitate, unsure if I can handle exposing all my painful scars. I never have. Only my mom knows all of it.

He takes my hands in his, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “I’m here to listen, for as long as it takes. Just let me in. Please. Let me be there for you.”

Hot tears spill down my cheeks at his words.

Talking. I should talk. I know but there’s this lump in my throat. I take a deep breath, evading his gaze, but he puts his thumb under my chin, refocusing me, looking at me as another tear slowly creeps down my cheek. Slowly. Silently. Like they have for the last five years.

“When I got to Beijing,” I start, breathing past that damn constricting lump. “I was focused on one thing only—I wanted to win gold again. I trained day and night, perfecting my routine. But I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally.” I swallow. All these pictures come back. Me, looking like a skeleton. So thin, purple rings under my eyes, with Sandford watching my every step. “Sandy…he was so demanding, especially since we were away from his wife. I thought my fatigue was just from the intense training and his constant sexual needs. But then the nausea started, and my breasts became tender. I tried to ignore it, convinced it was just stress.”

My voice wavers as I recall the moment everything changed.

Riley grips my hip, gently stroking me with his thumb as I need to take another deep breath. This is so hard. I chained it all up for years. Opening up like this makes me fragile. I lay my life bare in Riley hands now and I am so afraid. Of him telling me that he understands but doesn’t want to have a family. Because that’s what he gets with me. A mom and a kid. There’s no such thing as just me. There will never be and I’m happy about it.

“It’s okay. I’m here, I’ve got you,” he whispers, and despite all the racing thoughts in my mind, the urge to run, to vomit, to quit—I keep on talking.

“One day during practice, I got dizzy and blacked out on the ice. When I woke up, a doctor was there, telling me I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. I was on the pill. But apparently, something went wrong. Maybe I got sick and it messed with the effectiveness, I still don’t know how it happened.”

Riley listens intently, his brows furrowed with concern.

I forge ahead, determined to get it all out now. “The doctor said if I wanted to keep the baby, I had to stop skating immediately. My body couldn’t handle it. So I told my mom, and we cried together for hours. The Olympics were my life, and overnight, everything had changed. But in the end, we decided I would have the baby and move back to the States. When I told Sandford though—” A shudder runs through me at the memory. His face. The rage. The fear I had for my life and my baby.

My eyes feel hot again, the following coming out in horse, clipped sentences. “He was so furious. He said I was ruining his career, and he—he nearly pushed me down the stairs. He threatened me and my mom, forced me to go to some…go to some shady doctor for an abortion.”

I feel Riley tense up, there’s a tic in his jaw.

I can barely breathe.

I was so afraid. So afraid.

Something constricts my throat, and again, a hot tear falls down my cheek, and I wonder if there’s a day in my life when I won’t cry.

“My mother tried to get Sandy to his senses, tried to get me away from him without hurting me or the baby, but he brought me to the doctor, forcing him to do it, but the doctor refused. He wouldn’t abort without the woman’s consent—and he saw my pain, the danger I was in. So he lied to Sandford, said he did it, and gave me the money instead. My mom and I used it to fly back to the US that the same night.”

I cry so hard now that Riley takes me in his arms, his head resting on mine. His heart beats so fast.

And I cry and cry.

“I was terrified, Riley,” I say, shuttering from tears as they ripple out of me.

Each heave, each wince a knife that Sandford pressed into me.

The way he threatened to kill me and the baby for ruining his career.

The way he threatened my mom.

The way he looked at me. A death promise in his eyes.

Riley draws me closer, his warmth enveloping me like a shield, and I cry harder. I’ve never felt so safe in my life.

I lean into him, praying he won’t turn away when he learns just how broken I really am.

“I am so sorry,” Riley whispers against my hair, shaking as well. “I am so sorry you had to live through that.”

Once I’m able to speak again, I say, “We were so scared of what Sandford might do if he found out. We sold our house, moved to Orlando, and took jobs waitressing and cleaning to get by. But it wasn’t enough.”

The words catch in my throat as I think of all the hardships we endured. All the times we thought we wouldn’t make it, but each time the day ended, the sun went up again, and we tried anew.

“I shut down all my social media, switched to a prepaid phone, even opened a new bank account, terrified Sandford would track us down. Somehow, we managed to stay hidden, even when the sponsors I had for the Olympics sued the shit out of me, leaving me deep in debt. And then—” A ghost of a smile touches my lips. “I had my beautiful baby boy on May twenty-eighth.”

That picture. Even now it fills me with such warmth.

The little baby in my arms. Blond hair, the bluest eyes, and cutest little nose I could think of. His tiny hand was so little, it could wrap around my thumb and that was it.

Riley takes my hand and kisses it. “Can you tell me his name? Please?”

“Rory.”

Riley’s eyes light up and I almost bawl at it again. “Boys with R names are the best.”

I don’t know how he does it, but he manages to make me laugh. Even now.

I let my head fall against his chest again.

“Mom and I, we were the happiest we’d ever been, even living in that cramped trailer. His little laughs, his tiny hands reaching for us—he made every struggle worth it.”

Riley’s arms tighten around me, his heartbeat steady against my cheek now.

I draw in a shuddering breath, steeling myself for the hardest part.

“But when he was a year old, everything changed. He got sick, so sick. The doctors diagnosed him with type one diabetes. He needed medication, but the costs…” I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping me. “We tried everything. I worked myself to the bone, but the debt just kept piling up. And one day, I couldn’t afford his insulin.” I look up at Riley, and at the shock in his eyes, the tears come rolling again.

What kind of mother can’t buy medication for her child?

Me.

I couldn’t.

My voice drops to a horse whisper. “Riley, I couldn’t buy him his meds. I couldn’t give him the care he needed. I realized—” A sob wrenches from my throat again. “I realized…I…had to let him go.”

All the hurt comes back and I almost shatter just thinking about it. I notice my feet give way, but Riley catches me. He cradles my face, his thumb brushing away the tears.

“Lia, you did what you could.” His voice is a faint whisper and I realize he has tears in his eyes too.

So I nod, just looking at him and letting it all out. I have no idea how I still have tears left.

That choice. That moment, I knew I had to let go of the one person in my life I loved more than anyone or anything. It killed me and the person I was before.

“Where is he now?” Riley says, still brushing away tears with his thumbs.

My face feels so hot. My nose is so full. I can’t even breathe through it anymore without sniffing. Shit. I knew I’d be a mess the minute I started talking about Rory.

“Some friends,” I say through tears and bite them back again, and start anew, “Some friends told us about a family in Pennsylvania, a couple in their fifties who always wanted a child but couldn’t have them themselves. I made an agreement with them—they would be his grandparents, and they agreed to take him until I could afford to take care of him and myself. They’ve even paid for flights so I could visit, let us FaceTime whenever we wanted, visited Mom and me. But every time I had to say goodbye—”

The sobs take over again, it’s out of my control, each one rippling through me like a tsunami. Everything I bottled up for so long—the pain, the isolation, the agony of leaving my son behind—breaks free, swallowing me whole. But no matter what, Riley holds me through it all, whispering words of comfort against my hair.

In the depths of my sorrow, one truth keeps me afloat.

Riley is still here. Still holding me. He hasn’t turned away.

For the first time in forever, I don’t feel alone.

“All the moments I lost,” I whisper, pulling back just enough to meet Riley’s gaze again. “I missed his first steps, Riley. I missed his first words. I missed his first day of kindergarten, and now he’s already four, and I missed his birthday on May twenty-eighth. I have a four-year-old son who barely knows me.”

There’s a sinking sensation in my gut. When his birthday came around last week, I really wanted to visit him, but I had the show, and it just wasn’t possible. I constantly feel like the worst mom, and missing his birthday only makes it worse.

“Shit, Lia…” Riley whispers.

“Mom and I worked ourselves to the bone, saving every penny we could to move closer to my baby. We were so close, Ri. So damn close. But the renting costs always got higher and higher and it felt like we worked for nothing, but then I heard about Grace’s show, about the million-dollar prize, and I knew it was my best shot. The fastest way to stop missing moments with my boy.

“I took the money we saved and put it toward rink fees, a new costume since I sold anything but my old skates. I even reactivated my Instagram after five years. I asked if anyone knew of an affordable apartment, since the prices were way too much for me. And then Nina messaged about a cheap apartment…”

“I’m so glad she did,” Riley says. “I’m so glad I met you, Liora.”

Trailing off, I shake my head. “I have to win this, Riley. It’s the only way I can get my son back.”

“That’s why you did it,” Riley says, and I can’t quite understand the look he gives me. Admiration? Is it that? “Only a mother would fight like this. Only a mother who loves with her whole heart would put herself at last.”

I nod. “I have to stop losing moments, Ri.” It’s why I can’t believe Riley’s parents willingly gave away all these moments they could have shared with their son. I never would.

He nods. “We can leave now. Let’s go get him.”

I shake my head. “No, I need to do this myself, I know you would help me, but I am a week away from finally solving it. I’m not the girl that looks for a rich man to do it all for her.”

“You don’t have to—”

I put a hand on his chest, so grateful that he wants to help. “I’ve come so far. I can fix it now. I can’t be in anyone’s debt anymore. Mom and I worked our asses off to pay the sponsors back. I’m so close to fixing it. Let me fix it, Ri.”

He waits, unspoken works hanging between us.

“But…but I understand if it’s too much for you, if you don’t want to be tied down by all my baggage. I love you, but I love you enough to let you go if that’s what you need.”

Riley’s brow furrows, his whiskey eyes swirling with an emotion I can’t quite name. Fear claws at my throat. This is it. The moment he realizes I’m too broken, too complicated. That I’ve come with a family.

“Lia, I don’t know how many times I need to say this, but I’m not going anywhere. There’s nothing about you I can’t love. Rory is a part of you. How couldn’t I love him?”

I gasp for air. Is this real? Is he really saying these things?

“You love me too,” he adds. “There’s nothing that holds us back now.”Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.

“There is. I have a son.”

“And I can’t wait to meet him.”

I rake a hand through my hair. He doesn’t understand. “My boy didn’t have a mother for three years of his life. I can’t just introduce him to a man who might leave us.”

He winces. “Why would I leave?”

A desperate laugh bubbles up in my throat. “Because—because you’re on the top of your life, Riley! Look at you! You have it all.”

Now it’s him giving me a desperate laugh. He steps away from me. “I have it all? I was dying inside, Liora. Maybe it’s pathetic compared to your story, and I’m weak because, hell, you’re the strongest person I know. But, I didn’t have it all.” He touches me. “Now I have it all. With you. You saved me in ways you have no idea. I was a mess before you. You make me so full, feel worthy for once. That my life isn’t just for clicks and other people—for my damn father. You stood up for me and I stand up for you. Let me love you, Lia.”

There’s a knock on the door and we both jerk up. But Riley’s head whips back to me quickly. “I don’t want to live without you again. I meant what I said—”

Another knock. Followed by another.

“What is it?” Riley yells.

“Riley!” It’s Jayce.

Riley looks at me. Shocked. Then we both check the clock. It’s already past eleven. He should have left at ten.

“Shit,” Riley says, but he doesn’t move, his hands are still on my hips.

“Riley, the bus is waiting right outside your door. We’re going to miss our flight!”

“One minute.” He turns to me again.

“No!” Jayce bangs at the door again and again. “It’s the fucking Stanley Cup, you idiot!”

Riley closes his eyes, battling with all kinds of thoughts, and I sigh deeply. “Ri. Please. Go.”

He shakes his head, slowly opening his eyes. “No.”

“Riley!” Jayce screams. “I’ll break in. I swear.”

I narrow my eyes at him. Is he insane? “No what?”

“I don’t care about that thing anymore. It’s you I care about. I’ll help you get this sorted. Now. You’re not safe on set and—”

“I am safe,” I say. “It’s only one show. And you worked all your life for that cup. I am not the one who ruins this for you. I’m not ready for everyone to frame me like they did with Yoko Ono.”

“Now you’re being dramatic.”

“Okay, I break in in one—two—three.” Jayce bums against the door.

“Go,” I say.

“This isn’t me running,” Riley says.

“I know.”

Another bump on the door. I hear something cracking. “Go!”

“Don’t do anything stupid. I’ll win that fucking away game, come back, and win that Stanley shit, and—”

I grab him by the waist, pushing him to the door. “He’s coming!” I yell, and Jayce stops whatever he is doing out there.

Once I get that huge hunk to the door, he bends down, kissing me, and I kiss him back. “We’re sorting this. I am in. I am not running.”

I nod and shove him out of the door, where Jayce grabs him by the collar.

Once he’s gone, I lean against the door, eyes shut tight from fatigue and the throbbing pain in my feet. How can I make him understand? Right now, he wants me because we’re in the honeymoon phase of whatever this is—we haven’t even called it a relationship yet. Once the initial excitement fades, he’ll realize it’s too much to become a dad overnight. And that’s what I need if I ever get into a serious relationship again—I want a father for my boy, not men who come and go, leaving him more traumatized than before.

Rory needs stability.

And so do I.

I love Riley, but I can’t force him into this life. He’s a hockey star and deserves to live like it.

I hear my phone buzzing from the kitchen counter. I make my way over to it, still limping from my injury, and see that Riley has already sent me a text.

Puckster: I forgot to tell you something. Be nice to Ivan.

Liora: Who is Ivan?