Contract And Marriage

Sarina

I cried uncontrollably, my sweat, snot, and tears mixing together as I continued to shield Chase with my body, who was also crying non-stop. I felt Ralph kneel before me, so I curled up more tightly to protect our child.

I felt his hand on my head, and I braced myself for him to hurt me again. But I was shocked when he gently stroked my head instead and, with tears in his eyes, said, “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, babe…” I looked up at him, and our eyes met.

Regret, sadness, and pity were all there, likely for me and our child. “I’m really sorry; I don’t know what came over me,” he continued as he gently lifted my head. I thought he might just be pretending and would suddenly let go of me or slam my head onto the floor. The thought frightened me, and he noticed my fear. “Please, babe, don’t be scared. I’m really sorry. This is not going to happen again.”

He helped me sit up, and we both turned to look at Chase when he suddenly started crying again. “I’m sorry, my son, if I scared you.” Then, he picked up our child from the floor. After that, he helped me stand up, almost carrying me as we walked to our bedroom.

He placed Chase in the crib, carried me to our bed, and laid me down. “I promise this is not going to happen again. I’m not going to hurt you like this. Oh God, what have I done?” he said, crying as he gently caressed my cheeks, which had borne the brunt of his slaps.

Tears flowed from my eyes again, a mix of pain and pity for him and for myself. He looked like a demon when he was hurting me, but now he seemed so pitiful. He pressed our foreheads together and then kissed me on the lips. It was gentle, so tender that it seemed he knew it would hurt me if he pressed harder. It was so light; I couldn’t believe he was the same person who had caused me so much pain.

“Please tell me what happened, Ralph. I really had no idea what was going on…” I said in between crying.

“I really don’t know what came over me, babe. I suddenly felt jealous. I know, I know, you were always at home, taking care of our son. But I- I don’t know. I really don’t know,” he said softly, sounding confused. I felt a mix of pity and fear for him. What if he was like this now, but later, he suddenly became violent again?

He hugged me and begged for forgiveness. Who was I not to forgive him? He had been good to me from the moment I opened my eyes. Maybe something just possessed him, or someone provoked him to do what he did earlier.

I hugged him and said, “Please, don’t hurt me again… I rely too much on you, so please, stay with me…”

“I’m really sorry, babe.”

After that incident, even though I didn’t want to, I began to feel fear towards him. But I tried not to show it. I forced myself to act naturally as if nothing had happened between us. Things were okay, but only for a few days.

One night, he came home drunk. I had never seen him drunk before nor knew that he drank. There was no alcohol in our house, so it never crossed my mind that he would come home stumbling.

Like the first time he hurt me, he was furious at me, looking at me as if he wanted to kill me. Once again, I felt intense fear. Chase was in his room, already asleep, so I was incredibly grateful that he didn’t see the child. Who knows what he might have done.

“Why do you look scared?” he asked.

“No, I- I’m not,” I stammered, which made him grin. A grin full of anger and the desire to hurt.

“You’re scared because you did something bad, right?”

“No, I didn’t do anything. I stayed at home the whole day and never went out,” I replied fearfully, feeling that no matter what I said, he would still think I had gone somewhere or done something he believed I had done.

“Don’t fool me!” he shouted, causing me to startle and fail to avoid his hand that grabbed my hair, forcing me to look up at him. He’s 5’9, and I’m only 5’4, so he was towering over me. I started to cry because of the pain from his grip, which felt like it was tearing my scalp off.

“Please, Ralph, I swear I didn’t do anything,” I kept saying as my tears flowed, holding onto his hand and pulling my hair. The pain was unbearable. But it wasn’t over yet because after I said that, his other hand flew towards my face, slapping me hard.

If he hadn’t been holding my hair, my face would have surely turned to the left, but it only made the pain worse because of the impact. His palm landed squarely on my cheek, and I was sure it would leave a mark.

“Please, Ralph…” I cried, but he didn’t listen and continued to hurt me. He seemed to tire of slapping me, so he started punching me in the stomach. He kept hitting me repeatedly like I was a punching bag. He even punched my arms and other parts of my body.

I felt like I was going to die. I thought of my child; how would Chase manage without me? Who would take care of him? I even noticed that he seemed different, which made me think it was the reason for Ralph’s behavior. He thought the child wasn’t his.

“Remember this, don’t ever try to get away from me. If you do, your son will suffer. I am going to kill him in front of you! Do you get that?” I quickly nodded while continuing to cry. I was already collapsed on the floor, unable to stand.

This kind of scene became normal in our house. It didn’t feel like a home anymore; it felt like hell. He turned my life, our life, into hell. Even Chase wasn’t spared, as he would shout hurtful words at him, even though the child didn’t understand them yet. He also hurt him, but I would always shield my child with my body. He could hurt me all he wanted, just not my son.

I was deeply grateful to our neighbor, who often heard him beating me. The last time he hurt me, our neighbor finally called the police and reported him. He couldn’t even react when the police forced their way into our house and found Chase and me lying on the floor, injured and crying.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

The police took us to their home, where I met their Filipino maid, who had a friend named Aunt Marga. She accompanied me back to the Philippines.