4
Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse.
MIRA
THICK DARKNESS ENVELOPED me, drowning me in a well of despair. I stood dejected in a cold, empty, dark and small room in the thick forest. There was no roof and I could see the cloud looming above me. Feel it. Almost touched it.
A hand reached out to me from above, his face submerged in the dark cloud. I felt his smile when I took his hands. My heart raced hard, my gaze fixed tightly on the haze before me.
I had waited so long for a saviour.
Another hand, stronger and firmer like a demon backed by legions grabbed my legs from below the ground, and a war ensued.
A tiny voice called to me from afar sounding as though it was coming from another world.
“Wake up! Mira.” Aunt Lisa slapped my legs forcefully pulling me out of my dream.
My eyes fluttered open to meet her staring at me, her irritation brewing. This was the first day she ever woke me up. But, after yesterday I knew that nothing would remain the same.
“Come with me.” She instructed.
I speedily got up from the bed and followed her to the parlour. To my surprise, my mum was sitting on one of the couches looking worried and on the verge of crying. I instantly knew that I would have a horrible day.
The living room was wide, painted in white. The sofas were burgundy, arranged in a circle with a glass table in between. There was a huge TV hanging on the wall. My mom was holding onto one of the throw-pillows and her eyes had been steady on the hallway door awaiting my presence. Her black bag was on the glass table resting on the flower vase. The two round floor cushions were placed close to the stairs demarcating the parlor.
I wanted to sit on the rug in the middle of the living room, but there was so much fear in my heart, I just stood still.
When I finally summoned the courage to look at my mum. She smiled reassuringly at me even though it was obvious that she was faking it. I didn’t mind though, It was better than having a pity party.
“Good morning mummy.” I greeted, back from my short reverie.
“I told her what happened, but she wants to hear it from you.” Aunt Lisa informed me, with a frown.
I walked in slowly and sat down on the white rug then proceeded to tell my mum everything I had told Aunt Lisa the previous night, often distracted by the designs on her flowery long pink gown. As I spoke she kept shaking, it made me feel awful, annoyed even. It seemed as If I caused her sadness for falling into Ken’s trap and not Ken for setting the damn trap! I expected her reaction, but it didn’t stop me from hating it.
To me, my mum was weak and always easily overpowered by her emotions. Children need their parents to be strong or to at least act like it for it gives them a false sense of the world being okay, and most times that false sense of security is all we want. With my mum, you were sure the world was crumbling and also sure that she wouldn’t save you if it meant giving up certain things, certain people, my dad inclusive.
I thought your children were supposed to come first.
“Are you sure that’s all that happened?” My mum asked, over and over again when I was done talking.
“Yes!” I replied for the fourth time, this time almost half screaming, completely exasperated. I was sick of the issue already. It didn’t help that they kept reminding me of my pain. Of the wrong done to me, which none of them looked willing to right.
“You said Anita told you to sleep with the boys.” My mum pointed out.
I discovered I was smiling, why the hell was I smiling?! “Yes. She did.”
“Lisa, is this true?” My mum asked, looking at her pleadingly, almost like she was begging for the truth instead of demanding it. I mean her child was molested, she should be raining fire and brimstone.
“That’s not the issue, she needs to see the doctor.” Aunt Lisa replied, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. She didn’t look at me and I tried to avoid looking at her too. “A doctor can tell us the truth of the matter.” Of course, protect the criminal, after all, I’m nobody!
“That’s not the issue? What can a doctor say that I haven’t?” I whispered, scoffing, but they didn’t hear me. I wanted to scream out so loud the walls would crumble.
I expected my mum to poke further, but she nodded in agreement.
It dawned on me that Lisa didn’t care about my mum either, and probably kept her around for her use, like running stupid errands for her.
I hated her! I wish I dared to call out her wickedness and my mum’s weakness.
Enraged, I lost touch with what they were saying. After all, My mum would ignore what she just found out and instead do the bidding of the devil sitting next to her. No need to put myself through the torture of listening to them decide that I do not deserve justice.
“Go. Take your bath we are going to the doctor now.” My mum spoke aloud after a while, startling me. Her voice is hoarse and soft.
I looked up to see her wiping stray tears from her cheek. It’s coming rather late, I thought to myself, irritated.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.
She really did fancy crying a lot. That was the only thing she did in the marriage with my dad anyway. Usually seeing her cry made me miserable, but not today. Definitely not after she failed me.
“Okay.”
I was getting sick of being in this house anyway. ~~~~ It took me about thirty minutes to take my bath and get dressed. I packed my newly relaxed shoulder-length hair in a ponytail and applied lip gloss on my full lips. Then wore baggy jeans and a short polo.
Aunty Lisa drove us to the hospital in her Black Benz. She was dressed in a short white gown that fit her perfectly. Though pregnant her style was still pretty solid. She sat in front with my mum discussing whatever, while I sat at the back resting my head on the window. Letting the car’s air conditioner cool off the rising heat in my blood. I distracted myself with the view of the city, too many painful things were running through my mind at once. I remained quiet throughout the ride, occasionally feeling like I was outside my body. Numb.
I was the first to get out of the car when we got to our destination. The hospital was painted white. Its environs were beautiful, surrounded by well-trimmed grasses. On the top of the story building was a sign written in bold “Oasis Clinic.”
It was one of the famous clinics in town, alleged to be one of the best and most expensive private hospitals around with good doctors and expensive equipment that didn’t come cheap.
The three of us walked in. My mum was in between Aunt Lisa and me. The waiting room smelt like bleach, that’s why I hated hospitals. They came with this overwhelming sense of doom. Though I only remember being in one after the birth of Chinaza. God did bless my family with good health, so we hardly ever visited the hospital.
My mum and I were led to the consultation room after ten minutes. She alone spoke to the male doctor. He was dark skin, tall, huge and good-looking. Doctor Tunji was the name on the tag pinned above his chest pocket. I shall remember that name for a long time never to forget when I let myself trust a man and was taken advantage of.
He asked me to lie on the consultation table and spread my legs open while he did what he did. I watched as he took out a cotton bud after asking my mum some more questions in whispers. Her face was contorted in pain, but I was more focused on the distaste of opening my legs to a man left on my tongue. It was almost as if there was no difference between what Ken did to me and what he was doing to me only that in this case his act was approved of, and he didn’t drug me. I wanted to ask for a female doctor, but I decided against it. Knowing my mum wasn’t the one paying the bills, it was better I simply complied with everything. I don’t remember what happened next because I mentally blocked out everything. My mum was there so she could keep watch. For me, I was done feeling. Done feeling this hate, disgust, embarrassment and dejectedness.
I heard the doctor say, Ken didn’t only touch me, apparently when I was sleeping he did some other nasty things to me which I was not aware of. At the end of the consultation, Doctor Tunji recommended an injection.
My mum kept asking if I was still a virgin like that was important to me. He said I was, I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to be anything good. I screamed inside at the thought of not being aware of the things done to my own body without my consent. It was the worst feeling ever. I wanted to take every single detail into account, every word, every action. So my revenge would be that of a broken insane girl who remembered every detail of her pain and gave it back in ten folds.
I took the injection in fear and pain. My mum kept consoling me as I cried, but I didn’t stop. It was the only time I could cry without seeing myself as weak. I took advantage of it. ~~~~
We got back to the mansion where Lisa was waiting for us after leaving us in the waiting room with the excuse that she had something to attend to at home. She had sent a driver to pick us up, which is the least she could have done.
She was resting on a swinging chair under one of the canopies near the swimming pool.
“Good afternoon ma.” I greeted, sitting on one of the chairs in a different canopy, but close to hers. The sun was slowly dying down and it was when I loved it the most.
“Good afternoon.” She answered with a tight-lipped smile.
It was almost as if she was irritated by my presence. It hurt me how she suddenly changed towards me. Completely. It really did. I almost didn’t believe it. Was it my fault Ken wanted to rape me? Why is everyone making it seem like it is?
My mum sat with her. While I looked ahead I listened in on their conversation. My mum told her everything that happened with the doctor…
“You should have asked for a female doctor to attend to her. I’m sure she felt uncomfortable.” Lisa cut in.
I almost hissed. Hypocrite! At least he didn’t try to rape me Like the bastard in your house who you are covering up for.
I didn’t blame my mum anymore for acting like nothing happened. I knew that anything concerning her children or any human-made her weak. She couldn’t fight for herself, for me. I guess life made her that way.
I looked at them with tired eyes when they started to whisper. They didn’t want me to hear what they were saying anymore, I didn’t care to listen. I went into Bella’s room and slept off immediately.
Bella was not in the room when I woke up at night to pee, and my face was stained with dried tears. ~~~~
Our vacation was cut short, and my siblings and I returned home. We lived in a street called Danyefa, named after an Ijaw man, who is said to have fought during the civil war. The street was dirty and filled with potholes. If one isn’t careful enough, it could damage their car. So Lisa parked at the junction while we walked to our house, exchanging greetings with neighbours, out in their stores gossiping.
All the houses in the street were similar to ours. Old one-storey buildings containing two-bedroom apartments that had tasted the brunt of time. Paintings washed off or peeled off.
We lived in a flat, a two-room apartment with four neighbours including the landlord. We shared the same stairs with a really annoying family. We’ve been avoiding any kind of altercation with them for the sake of peace, but they were the absolute worst! Their two male kids were so noisy and disrespectful, yet their parents did nothing to correct them.
Chinaza knocked on the door and My dad opened it after the third knock. He went inside Immediately not bothered about us.
My mum apparently told my dad everything that happened over the phone. When he saw me come in he looked at me disdainfully saying something that killed me over again.
I don’t remember it well enough but it was something along the lines of, “You belong to the world and that is why things of the world happen to you.” He wasn’t sorry for what I had gone through nor did he attempt to get justice for me. I, his only daughter. Just because I stood up for my mother against him and his sister.
I winced at the pain I felt in my chest. My dad was not the best of dads, I knew that already, but what he said was completely unacceptable. I was never going to forgive him for it.
My mum angrily replied to him, but I was too far gone to make out anything. I entered the room and slept. I didn’t cry. Only the living cry. I was only existing for vengeance.
And vengeance I will get.