Chasing the rejected Luna

38: Lies

The emotion left as soon as I realized what it was. But I had seen it so briefly I wondered if it weren't my eyes playing tricks on me.

I knew it wasn't by the way he cleared his throat and looked down. I couldn't see it clearly but he looked flushed and I remembered the conversation at hand. He asked me to be his mate.

At first thought, it didn't make sense. But looking closely at it, it made perfect sense. First I was the last descendant of the moon goddess who is blessed with so much power I couldn't even begin to fathom what I was capable of.

And most times, the thoughts scared me. But not scaring me to the point that I have to force some information out of my overly silent wolf. I thought about doing it on a certain day when the questions swimming in my head were too much to handle. And just like she always does, she kept mute at the question I had thrown her way.

"It has to be you," he said, not giving anything away. It was as if he didn't want me to know. Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I looked up at him and found him looking at me. The remnant of what lay before was gone. And in it was a blank look. It was a look filled with so many things yet so little things.

I swallowed and wanted to ask a question but changed my mind and asked another instead, "I don't understand what you mean. Do you just want to make me your Luna because of what I am and not who I am?"

"No."

"Then does it have anything to do with how you feel about me? Don't lie to me. I knew you didn't care about me," I said the truth while it pulled at my heart painfully.

"You don't know me. And you don't know how I feel either," he said, his eyes almost boring holes into mine.

"Then tell me. How do you feel about me?! I certainly know it isn't love. If it isn't then what is it? Do you just want me to be your Luna because of my importance to your pack?"

I watched his Adam's apple bubble up and down but his face remained as expressionless as a sheet of paper.

"No," he said and looked into me.

I felt bare before him. "Then tell me, why do you want me to be your Luna?!"

"Because I love you! Alright?" He screamed at me, his eyes widening and his jaw twitching violently. I could tell that had been difficult for him to say as my eyes widened to the size of saucers.

"Because I love you. I've always loved you since the moment I set eyes on you. Why do you think I approached you?" He asked me and I kept mute. He continued.

"It's not what you think. I never knew you were the last descendants of the moon goddess. I loved you for you. The girl I saw was an innocent scared girl who needed protection from this cruel world. And everyone was lying to you. Was lying to your face. And I couldn't stand that. I needed to take you out of there where your innocence couldn't be tainted."

I shook my head, stopping him. I knew he had more to say as his chest rose and fell with the words he had spilled out. That was the first I heard of Alpha Ryven saying so many words at the same time. But out of everything he said, my ears only caught two things.

First, he loved me. I found it hard to believe because of the way he treated me when I came into his pack. And secondly, the part he spoke about people lying to me.

"What do you mean people were lying to me?" I whispered, somehow afraid of knowing the truth. Something in me knew he would tell me. I could see in his eyes how he wanted to come clean with everything that had been happening.

Maybe it was the soft glow of his eyes as they shone that night. Or the way his lips were set and a little hardness to his eyes. He was mad. Mad at something I couldn't even fathom about.

"The Beta's wife. I promised myself I wouldn't tell you this so you wouldn't be hurt. But I won't live with myself happily knowing you trusted the people who were supposed to be your enemy."

"What are you talking about?" I asked again. This time, with fear and anticipation holding me hostage.

He shook his head, breaking eye contact with me. He looked out the window. I could see the shadows under his eyes. He was tired. I believed he hadn't slept for days. Something was eating him up.

"The Beta's wife. She killed Rudolph." He said and the room was doused in pin-drop silence. I could no longer hear the wind as they picked up outside because of the beating of my heart against my ribcage.

"You're joking," I laughed and looked away from him toward the book in my hand.

"I'm not. They were playing you for a fool. She killed him and pinned the blame on you while trying to act like your savior. I saw all those and became mad."

"Why are you telling me all this? You knew these would hurt but you had to tell me," I said against the hurt that threatened to overcome me.

I wanted to believe the little part of me that wanted to call Alpha Ryven a liar. But what could be gained by setting me against Dianne's mom? Has Dianne known about it also? Or was she just as clueless about me?

And I couldn't believe I believed her. I couldn't believe I thought of her as my mother. She replaced the blurry figure of my mom in my head. I couldn't feel my limbs any longer as the hurt spread to every part of my being.

It was like they were severed from my body. Neither could I feel the cold in the room as the temperature went down so many degrees. I could only feel the hurt in my heart. I believed her when she told me Alexander killed Rudolph. I also believed her when she told me she cared about me.

I inhaled sharply and looked at Alpha Ryven. I wasn't seeing him but I could see the memories of the time I spent with Dianne's mother. Why would she do that to me?

I felt betrayed and worse? I felt like a fool. But how do I know Alpha Ryven wasn't playing a sick one on me?

I zeroed in on his face. The look on his face was too serious for him to be joking. His lips were moving but I couldn't hear a thing of what he spoke. I was in my little world where everything I had known was crumbling like a wall. And it was crumbling so fast I had no power to do anything but stare at it in grief and anguish.

"Sophia?" I felt a hand on my shoulders. When had Alpha Ryven moved away from the chair to the bed?

"Huh?" I asked and looked up at him. I felt something wet on my cheeks. Were those tears? I had no idea I had been crying.

"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. But what I feared is happening right now. I know it would break you because you saw her as a mother. I know this is selfish of me. But if knowing the truth will make you think of me as selfish, then I'm ready to be called selfish," Alpha Ryven said and touched my wet cheeks.

With one hand, he wiped the tears away from my left cheek. His hands were warm against my cold skin. And I was sure my heart had also gone cold from the news I received.

"But why? Why would she do that to me? I was only a child. I knew nothing of killing an animal let alone a boy that had been no older than me. Did she hate me that much? I know I'm not smart or pretty but that didn't mean she should have done that. That doesn't…"

"Hush now. It's in the past. That's the reason I took you away from there. To start a new life here. With me." He squeezed my hand with his other hand and I realized how close he was to me.

I had been in a trance I didn't realize we were almost touching. His breath almost fanned my face. And I knew if I inched closer to him, our lips would be touching.

"And you're smart and pretty. I want you to think of yourself that way. Don't let what other people tell you get to you. What you think about yourself is all that matters. Your past doesn't define you. You are what you say you are. And you are special. No one can take that away from you," he said and I looked into his eyes.

All I saw was sincerity and something else. At that moment, I hated that I couldn't read someone as clearly as they could read me.

"You didn't do all this because you love me."

"No," he said. "I did them because I saw how special you are even before I realized what you are. I fell for who you are and not what you are."

I wanted to believe his words, believe the emotions I saw in his eyes. I wanted to believe them because I had yearned to hear those words since I was little when everyone looked down on me.

But his words contrasted greatly with his actions - he made me train tirelessly day and night with little rest just because he wanted me to get my wolf. He wanted me to get into the metal box not caring about how I felt about it. He locked me in the dungeon for a day without food or water because I refused to get in the metal box. He got mad when I pointed out his errors in taking care of his people. He hit me when I did nothing wrong but state the truth.

"You don't care about me. Why are you telling me all this?" I asked him again. What's your motive? What do you plan to gain by mating with me?

He smirked, "I told you already. I care about you."

Bullshit!

"You don't. Your actions don't align with your words. What are you not telling me?"