Always Been You

“What In the world are you two doing?” Claire’s voice said. She had just arrived with her sons and was watching them.

“Playing soccer. I lost” Katherine said ruefully. Tim bounded to his feet and held her hand as she pulled herself up.

“You know they have a game tonight right? And that you are playing the wrong sport?” Claire asked.

“Yeah” Katherine said. “It was just for fun. I just got home. You are early”

“Yeah I am,” Claire agreed, but I thought we could hang out a bit before we left. If you don’t mind. Sometimes I just need some space from the house, you know ”

Katherine knew. She understood. So she smiled and nodded in agreement. She needed that sometimes too.

“But….” Claire continued, “Since you both are busy with your game, I will just sit around and watch… Maybe until half time”

“Very funny” Katherine remarked as she trudged towards the front door. “You are late, we are done with the game. Alright,” she called to Tim who had started another game with Claire sons, “Get inside, you need to shower and rest before your game this evening”

Claire called to her boys to get inside too.ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

“I will pour you a coke,” Katherine said to Claire. “… Unless you need something stronger,” she added.

Claire laughed. “No, coke is fine” she said, as she came into the house.

Three hours later, they were off to the game, Tim and Oliver dressed in their red and gray baseball uniform. They kept peering out of the window, talking and clearly looking excited about their game. Katherine and Claire watched them and exchanged glances while smiling.

This evening, the soft breeze smelled like it always did… It smelled of barbecues and freshly mowed grasses. Katherine and Claire got their usual lemonade drinks while Tim and Oliver rushed to join their team. Went to stay with some of his friends he saw at a corner.

The bleachers were filled with parents already so it took them a minute to find a place where they could comfortably watch the game. Minutes after they settled in their seats Tim came running back to them.

“Is something wrong, Tim?” Katherine asked, worried she might have forgotten something. “Your game will be starting soon,” she said.

“Jensen isn’t here yet,” Tim said.

Katherine stared at him. Lately he had been wanting to know why Jensen wasn’t coming around any more. And it wasn’t helping when all she wanted to do was try to move on and stop thinking about him. Tim wasn’t making this easier for her.

“Look, honey” she began. “I told you before, Jensen is a really busy man. He has a job, and sometimes adults just have to focus on their jobs.”

“But he told me he would come for all my games so he would see how I was doing with everything we practiced. He didn’t come for the last game either, and now he won’t even come see us at home anymore. Did something happen?” he asked sadly. “Does he not like me anymore? I know I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”

“Oh of course you didn’t do anything wrong” Katherine said, as she pulled him closer to herself. This was the reason why she had been uncomfortable with Jensen and Tim’s bonding. She had been worried about how Tim would be affected if things didn’t work out between them. And now it was happening. She knew Tim was very sensitive, and she hated that this was also her fault that he was feeling this way.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetie,” she said when she released him. She cupped his face so she could look into his eyes. “Sometimes, honey, people just need space, and sometimes they could just be busy, that’s all. I’m sure Jensen still likes you. How could he not? You are the sweetest human being I know. How could anyone not love you?”

Tim smiled, and she was glad to see it.

“Fine,” he said, “Maybe after the game, I will call him and tell him all about it,” he said.

Katherine nodded. “Sure. Just do your best out there on the field, honey. And have fun”

“I will” Tim yelled as he ran back to join his team, his good mood seemed to be back and Katherine breathed a sigh of relief.

“So” Claire began as soon as Tim left, “What exactly happened between you and Jensen Packard. Why exactly did you two break up?” she asked.

Katherine gave her a look and returned her attention to the field. “I told you before, Claire, I don’t want to talk about it, ” she said, hoping that Claire would take the hint and drop the topic, but knowing Claire, she knew that was not going to happen and she was proved right when Claire continued like she hadn’t spoken.

“Come on,” Claire said. “You know not talking about it is not going to make you feel better. You look weird anytime I ask you about it and Tim is also affected with whatever happened between the both of you. I gotta tell you, when you told me you guys were together, I thought it was destiny bringing you guys back together.. I thought it was beautiful and I was happy for you. You looked so happy. But then y’all break up… Seriously?”

Katherine inhaled deeply. “He was rushing into the whole thing… Going at a pace I guess I wasn’t ready for. And it seems like even my parents were in it too.. Rooting for us to…. I don’t know how to explain it to you, Claire. But I just got confused, and to be honest, scared. Jensen and I have been down this road before and I guess I just have trouble trusting him completely… I don’t know if you understand me, maybe it sounds crazy to you, but it’s just the way I feel”

Claire nodded.”I understand,” she said.

Katherine closed her eyes slowly and opened them again. “I hate talking about this,” she said. “I avoid talking to my mom about it especially. Whenever I think about him, I just feel sad and angry… At myself because I feel like I ruined something great with him because I couldn’t let go of my fears and at him too…. for not understanding that maybe I just needed some time. I don’t even want to see him… And maybe it’s a good thing that he’s keeping his distance.”