Scream For me

DAPHNE

I stand in the lobby, my head completely spinning by the highs and lows this man has put me through tonight.

How does he go from being so dismissive toward me like I’m merely an inconvenience in his life to looking at me the way he did when I was on his lap? I giggle to myself remembering his “issue” when I was trying to put my shoe back on. As embarrassed as I was at the moment, it’s nothing compared to standing there with a raging hard-on in public.

“Good, he deserves it,” I decide, spinning on my heel to head back into the auction and start cleaning up for the night.

By the time I make it back home, I’m exhausted. I’ve been going nonstop since six a. m. today and my body is feeling it. I trudge to my bathroom, dropping my bag on my couch. Several months back, Xana bought me some lavender aromatherapy bath stuff. I root through my cabinets, finding it and pouring a generous amount into the tub after turning on the water.

Rose in hand, I dip my toes into the water to test out the temperature before slowly sliding beneath the bubbles. The lavender starts doing its job of instantly putting me at ease. I try to take in some deep breaths, allowing the tension from the day to leave my body, but the second I close my eyes, my mind keeps drifting back to him.

I recall the way he demanded I go on his family vacation after placing a bid in my name. The rude and arrogant way he looked me up and down at the airport before pretending he’d never seen me before. The way he acted when he was two hours late to our first meeting. But then, I think about the way he looked at me that night at my apartment, the way his eyes undressed me when he thought I wasn’t looking earlier tonight… and the way he held me.

A shiver runs through my body remembering the way his fingertips lightly trailed against my skin. The way his lips were so close to me that I could feel his warm breath against my cheek. My hand slips beneath the water, sliding down my body until I reach my inner thigh. I trail my fingertips over my skin, imagining it’s Weston. Wondering what could have happened if we had been someplace more private. Would he have leaned in and kissed me? Or what would he have done if I leaned in to kiss him?

I bring my fingers to my clit, slowly circling them around, teasing myself. Tension builds as I apply pressure, my back arching against the porcelain tub, my breath growing audible. I’m so close, that my lips part as a small moan slips past them when I find my release.

But the second it’s over, instead of feeling satisfied, I feel guilty. An image of Carson’s sweet smile when he proposed to me sweeps across my mind. I feel a physical pain in my chest, like I’m betraying what we had by wanting someone else. Then it hits me. This is the first time that I have wanted someone else since his death. This is the first time a man has not only garnered my attention but left me wanting more. But this isn’t real; it’s a fantasy. It’s not a happily ever after with a white picket fence and matching Disney outfits. It’s a secret fling that ends in heartbreak.

“NOW YOU’RE GOING to the Bahamas? Damn, I need a vacation or maybe a different job,” Xana says after taking a sip of wine.

“No, the point is I’m not going. Can you believe he thought he could force me into going?” I say, shaking my head. “The audacity.”

“Yeah, how rude of him to demand you go on a luxury, tropical vacation. Asshole!” Xana says sarcastically.

“What? You think I should go?”

“No, I didn’t say that. I just don’t think he’s being rude,” she says, using quotation marks. I give her an I don’t understand expression. “He’s thinking with his dick, Daph, come on.”

“Oh please, that man probably gets more women in a week than most men do in a decade. If he wanted to sleep with me, he wouldn’t go to those lengths. He’s just doing it as some sort of power move to get back at me for demanding he participate in the bake sale and silent auction, which was a huge success by the way.”

“Oh good! It looked amazing. You did such a fantastic job helping organize that entire thing. Did you say his nanny quit? Maybe I should apply.” She laughs.

“Right? What a job.”

“Aren’t you even a little bit curious?” She bounces her eyebrows up and down at me like a cartoon character.

“About?”

“The trip, if you went to the Bahamas with him.”

“No. First of all, I wouldn’t be going with him; I’d be the hired help. Second, how weird would it be to vacation with people you barely know?”

“Hmm, is that why you’re so offended by his offer?” She eyes me. “Because you want to be more than the hired help?”

“No, get outta here,” I deflect, smacking her with one of my throw pillows.

“I’m just saying”-she laughs, holding up her hand to dodge the pillow -“if I liked a guy and he only wanted me around to do a favor for him, I’d be butthurt too.”

“I’m not butthurt. And trust me, that’s not why I’m frustrated by it, not in the slightest,” I lie, knowing full well that’s exactly why I’m frustrated by it. “It’s just the fact that he has this arrogant attitude like whatever I say goes because I’m rich and powerful. I’m already a full-time teacher. Why can’t he find some other low-level peasant to pick on.” There is a lot of truth in that statement though. “And for as much as I love Daisy and I had a blast with her at my apartment, babysitting my students and going on vacation with their family is not part of my job description.”

“Speaking of, how’s the new job at Crestwood going? You seem like a completely different person than you were a few months back, packing up your life to run away to Paris.”

“I love it. Seriously, it’s great.”

“Good and for what it’s worth, I’m glad you decided not to uproot and move.” Xana knows me well enough that she knows she can either talk me down from the ledge or she knows she can wait it out and I’ll eventually find my way back.

“What are you and Ryan doing for Labor Day?”Nôvel/Dr(a)ma.Org - Content owner.

“Probably the same thing we always do, spend the day on Lake Michigan with his family. You’re welcome to join us again. Unless, you know, you’re sailing the high seas.” She gives me a salute and it makes me laugh.

“How are things going with you and Ryan? Crazy to believe you guys have already been together over two years.”

Xana was put through the wringer for years before she met Ryan. She’d had her heart broken; she’d been cheated on, lied to, robbed by one guy, and stalked by another. To see her smiling and happy with him brings me so much joy. She has the same kind of glow and giddiness talking about him that I did with Carson.